The Body Language of the Eyes
Eye contact is the most common body language aspect that you need to actively improve on. There are tons of benefits if you can get it just right.
1. Looking up
2. Looking down
3. Looking sideways
4. Lateral movement
5. Gazing
6. Glancing
7. Eye contact
8. Doe eyes
9. Making eye contact
10. Breaking eye contact
Eye language : Eye contact
occurs when two people look at each other's eyes at the same time
The eyes are often called, with some justification,
'the windows of the soul' as they can send many different non-verbal signals.
For reading body language this is quite useful as
looking at people's eyes are a normal part of communication (whilst gazing at
other parts of the body can be seen as rather rude).
When a person wears dark glasses, especially
indoors, this prevents others from reading their eye signals. It is consequently
rather disconcerting, which is why 'gangsters' and those seeking to appear
powerful sometimes wear them.
When a person looks upwards they are often thinking. In particular they
are probably making pictures in their head and thus may well be an indicator of
a visual thinker.
When they are delivering a speech or presentation, looking up may be
their recalling their prepared words.
Looking upwards and to the left can indicate recalling a memory. Looking
upwards and the right can indicate imaginative construction of a picture (which
can hence betray a liar). Be careful with this: sometimes the directions are
reversed -- if in doubt, test the person by asking them to recall known facts
or imagine something.
Looking up may also be a signal of boredom as the person examines the
surroundings in search of something more interesting.
Head lowered and eyes looking back up at the other person is a coy and
suggestive action as it combines the head down of submission with eye contact
of attraction. It can also be judgemental, especially when combined with a
frown.
Looking at a person can be an act
of power and domination. Looking down involves not looking at the other person,
which hence may be a sign of submission ('I am not a threat, really; please do
not hurt me. You are so glorious I would be dazzled if I looked at you.')
Looking down can thus be a signal
of submission. It can also indicate that the person is feeling guilty.
A notable way that a lower person
looks down at a higher person is by tilting their head back. Even taller people
may do this.
Looking down and to the left can
indicate that they are talking to themselves (look for slight movement of the
lips). Looking down and to the right can indicate that they are attending to
internal emotions.
In many cultures where eye
contact is a rude or dominant signal, people will look down when talking with
others in order to show respect.
3.
Looking sideways
Much of our field of vision is in
the horizontal plane, so when a person looks sideways, they are either looking
away from what is in front of them or looking towards something that has taken
their interest.
A quick glance sideways can just
be checking the source of a distraction to assess for threat or interest. It
can also be done to show irritation ('I didn't appreciate that comment!').
Looking to the left can indicate
a person recalling a sound. Looking to the right can indicate that they are
imagining the sound. As with visual and other movements, this can be reversed
and may need checking against known truth and fabrication.
4.
Lateral movement
Eyes moving from side-to-side can
indicate shiftiness and lying, as if the person is looking for an escape route
in case they are found out.
Lateral movement can also happen
when the person is being conspiratorial, as if they are checking that nobody
else is listening.
Eyes may also move back and forth
sideways (and sometimes up and down) when the person is visualizing a big
picture and is literally looking it over.
Looking at something shows an
interest in it, whether it is a painting, a table or a person. When you look at
something, then others who look at your eyes will feel compelled to follow your
gaze to see what you are looking at. This is a remarkable skill as we are able
to follow a gaze very accurately.
When looking at a person
normally, the gaze is usually at eye level or above The gaze can also be a
defocused looking at the general person.
If, after locking gaze, a
potential partner keeps looking at the eyes, then it may be love. If the eyes
slide down over the body, then it is more likely to be lust. Exactly where the
eyes go is important. Looking at a person's mouth can indicate that you would
like to kiss them. Looking at sexual regions indicates a desire to have sexual
relations with them.
Looking up and down at a whole
person is usually sizing them up, either as a potential threat or as a sexual
partner (notice where the gaze lingers). This can be quite insulting and hence
indicate a position of presumed dominance, as the person effectively says 'I am
more powerful than you, your feelings are unimportant to me and you will submit
to my gaze'.
Looking at their forehead or not
at them indicates disinterest. This may also be shown by defocused eyes where
the person is 'inside their head' thinking about other things.
When people are offered a choice
in front of them (as in shops), they will stare at the options as they evaluate
them. They will usually end up looking longer at their preferred option,
perhaps often looking back at it while they scan others. This works in reverse,
so if you manage the time available to look at things, the item viewed the most
is more likely to be that which is chosen.
Non-visual gaze patterns (NVGPs)
involve rapid movements (saccades) and fixations while we are 'inside our
heads', thinking. Rapid movements happen more when we are accessing long-term
memory and fixations more when we are accessing working memory. This is useful
to detect whether people are thinking about older events or recent events
Glancing at something can betray
a desire for that thing, for example glancing at the door can indicate a desire
to leave.
Glancing at a person can indicate
a desire to talk with them. It can also indicate a concern for that person's
feeling when something is said that might upset them.
Glancing may indicate a desire to
gaze at something or someone where it is forbidden to look for a prolonged
period.
Glancing sideways at a person
with raised eyebrows can be a sign of attraction. Without the raised eyebrow it
is more likely to be disapproval.
Eye contact between two people is
a powerful act of communication and may show interest, affection or dominance.
8.
Doe eyes
A softening of the eyes, with
relaxing of muscles around the eye and a slight defocusing as the person tries
to take in the whole person is sometimes called doe eyes, as it
often indicates sexual desire, particularly if the gaze is prolonged and the
pupils are dilated The eyes may also appear shiny.
9.
Making eye contact
Looking at a person acknowledges
them and shows that you are interested in them, particularly if you look in
their eyes.
Looking at a person's eyes also
lets you know where they are looking. We are amazingly good at detecting what
they are looking at and can detect even a brief glance at parts of our body,
for example.
If a person says something when
you are looking away and then you make eye contact, then this indicates they
have grabbed your attention.
10. Breaking eye contact
Prolonged eye contact can be
threatening, so in conversation we frequently look away and back again.
Breaking eye contact can indicate
that something that has just been said that makes the person not want to
sustain eye contact, for example that they are insulted, they have been found
out, they feel threatened, etc. This can also happen when the person thinks
something that causes the same internal discomfort.
Looking at a person, breaking eye
contact and then looking immediately back at them is a classic flirting action,
particularly with the head held coyly low in suggested submission.
11. Long eye contact
Eye contact longer than normal
can have several different meanings.
Eye contact often increases
significantly when we are listening, and especially when we are paying close
attention to what the other person is saying. Less eye contact is used when
talking, particularly by people who are visual thinkers as they stare into the
distance or upwards as they 'see' what they are talking about.
We also look more at people we
like and like people who look at us more. When done with doe eyes and smiles,
it is a sign of attraction. Lovers will stare into each others eyes for a long
period. Attraction is also indicated by looking back and forth between the two
eyes, as if we are desperately trying to determine if they are interested in us
too.
When done without blinking,
contracted pupils and an immobile face, this can indicate domination,
aggression and use of power. In such circumstances a staring competition can
ensue, with the first person to look away admitting defeat.
Prolonged eye contact can be
disconcerting. A trick to reduce stress from this is to look at the bridge of
their nose. They will think you are still looking in their eyes.
Sometimes liars, knowing that low
eye contact is a sign of lying, will over-compensate and look at you for a
longer than usual period. Often this is done without blinking as they force
themselves into this act. They may smile with the mouth, but not with the eyes
as this is more difficult.
12. Limited eye contact
When a person makes very little
eye contact, they may be feeling insecure. They may also be lying and not want
to be detected.
Looking at a person is
cognitively taxing as we search for meaning in their face and eyes. This is one
reason why we tend to look away when we are talking, as we can literally run
out of mental bandwidth if we kept looking and talking.
13. In persuasion
Eye contact is very important for
persuasion. If you look at the other person and they do not look back at you,
then their attention is likely elsewhere. Even if they hear you, the lack of
eye contact reduces the personal connection.
If you want to persuade or change
minds, then the first step is to gain eye contact and then sustain it with
regular reconnection.
Staring is generally done with
eyes wider than usual, prolonged attention to something and with reduced
blinking. It generally indicates particular interest in something or someone.
Staring at a person can indicate
shock and disbelief, particularly after hearing unexpected news.
When the eyes are defocused, the
person's attention may be inside their head and what they are staring at may be
of no significance. (Without care, this can become quite embarrassing for
them).
Prolonged eye contact can be
aggressive, affectionate or deceptive and is discussed further above. Staring
at another's eyes is usually more associated with aggressive action.
A short stare, with eyes wide
open and then back to normal indicates surprise. The correction back to normal
implies that the person would like to stare more, but knows it is impolite
(this may be accompanied with some apologetic text).
When a person stares at another,
then the second person may be embarrassed and look away. If they decide to
stare back, then the people 'lock eyes' and this may become a competition with
the loser being the person who looks away first.
The length of an acceptable stare
varies across cultures, as does who is allowed to stare, and at what. Babies
and young children stare more, until they have learned the cultural rules.
The eyes will naturally follow
movement of any kind. If the person is looking at something of interest then
they will naturally keep looking at this. They also follow neutral or feared
things in case the movement turns into a threat.
This is used when sales people
move something like a pen or finger up and down, guiding where the customer
looks, including to eye contact and to parts of the product being sold.
Narrowing of a person's eyes can
indicate evaluation, perhaps considering that something told to them is not
true (or at least not fully so).
Squinting can also indicate
uncertainty ('I cannot quite see what is meant here.')
Narrowing eyes has a similar
effect to constricted pupils in creating a greater depth of field so you can
see more detail. This is used by animals when determining distance to their
prey and can have a similar aggressive purpose.
Squinting can be used by liars
who do not want the other person to detect their deception.
When a person thinks about
something and does not want to look at the internal image, they may
involuntarily squint.
Squinting can also happen when
lights or the sun are bright.
Lowering of eyelids is not really
a squint but can have a similar meaning. It can also indicate tiredness.
Lowering eyelids whilst still
looking at the other person can be a part of a romantic and suggestive cluster,
and may be accompanied with tossing back the head and slightly puckering
the lips in a kiss.
Blinking is a neat natural
process whereby the eyelids wipe the eyes clean, much as a windscreen wiper on
a car.
Blink rate tends to increase when
people are thinking more or are feeling stressed. This can be an indication of
lying as the liar has to keep thinking about what they are saying. Realizing
this, they may also force their eyes open and appear to stare.
Blinking can also indicate
rapport, and people who are connected may blink at the same rate. Someone who
is listening carefully to you is more likely to blink when you pause (keeping
eyes open to watch everything you say).
Beyond natural random blinking, a
single blink can signal surprise that the person does not quite believe what
they see ('I'll wipe my eyes clean to better see').
Rapid blinking blocks vision and
can be an arrogant signal, saying 'I am so important, I do not need to see
you'.
Rapid blinking also flutters the
eyelashes and can be a coy romantic invitation.
Reduced blinking increases the power
of a stare, whether it is romantic or dominant in purpose.
Closing one eye in a wink is a
deliberate gesture that often suggests conspiratorial ('You and I both
understand, though others do not').
Winking can also be a slightly
suggestive greeting and is reminiscent of a small wave of the hand ('Hello
there, gorgeous!').
Closing the eyes shuts out the
world. This can mean 'I do not want to see what is in front of me, it is so
terrible'.
Sometimes when people are talking
they close their eyes. This is an equivalent to turning away so eye contact can
be avoided and any implied request for the other person to speak is effectively
ignored.
Visual thinkers may also close
their eyes, sometimes when talking, so they can better see the internal images
without external distraction.
The tear ducts provide moisture
to the eyes, both for washing them and for tears.
Damp eyes can be suppressed
weeping, indicating anxiety, fear or sadness. It can also indicate that the
person has been crying recently.
Dampness can also occur when the
person is tired (this may be accompanied by redness of the eyes.
Actual tears that roll down the
cheeks are often a symptom of extreme fear or sadness, although paradoxically
you can also weep tears of joy.
Weeping can be silent, with
little expression other than the tears (indicating a certain amount of
control). It also typically involves screwing up of the face and, when emotions
are extreme, can be accompanied by uncontrollable, convulsive sobs.
Men in many culture are not
expected to cry and learn to suppress this response, not even being able to cry
when alone. Even if their eyes feel damp they may turn away.
Tears and sadness may be
transformed into anger, which may be direct at whoever is available.
A subtle signal that is sometimes
detected only subconsciously and is seldom realized by the sender is where the
pupil gets larger (dilates) or contracts.
Sexual desire is a common cause
of pupil dilation, and is sometimes called 'doe eyes' or 'bedroom eyes'
(magazine pictures sometimes have deliberately doctored eyes to make a model
look more attractive). When another person's eyes dilate we may be attracted
further to them and our eyes dilate in return. Likewise, when their pupils are
small, ours may well contract also. We also dilate pupils for people we just
like or admire. This can be useful for determining a person's loyalties (eg. by
showing them a picture of a politician).
Pupils dilate also when it is
darker to let in more light. Perhaps this is why clubs, bars, restaurants and
other romantic venues are so dingy.
A reversal of attraction dilation
is that pupils will constrict when someone is disgusted or is not attracted to
the other person (I don't want to see you).
A fundamental cause of eye
dilation is cognitive effort. When we are thinking more, our eyes dilate. This
helps explain 'doe eyes' as when we like others people, looking at them leads
to significant thinking about how we may gain and sustain their attention. Yet
pupil constriction can indicate an overloaded brain (perhaps trying to shut out
the world, as when people close eyes for an 'extended blink').
Reputedly, people who are about
to make a bad decision will have more dilated pupils.
People with dark irises (the
colored circle around the pupil) can look attractive because it is difficult to
distinguish the iris from the pupil, with the effect is that their dark pupils
look larger than they are. People with light irises make the pupils easier to
see, so when their pupils actually do dilate then the signal is clearer to
detect, making them more attractive 'at the right time'.
The reverse of this is that
pupils contract when we do not like the other person, perhaps in an echo of
squint-like narrowing of the eyes. People with small pupils can hence appear
threatening or just unpleasant.
While there are many different
reasons for pupil dilation or constriction, a simple point to remember is that,
in general, dilated pupils are positive while constricted pupils are negative.
A useful general point also is that dilated pupils means 'I want more' and
constricted means 'I want to see less'.
Pupils which have lesser diameter
than 3mm or greater than 6.5mm can indicate a person on drugs (police will look
for this). Pupils which are unequal in size, non-round or non-reactive to light
can indicate brain damage (this is why doctors may flash a light in your eyes
after you have fallen).
When a person is feeling
uncomfortable, the eyes may water a little. To cover this and try to restore an
appropriate dryness, they person may rub their eye and maybe even feign
tiredness or having something in the eye. This also gives the opportunity to
turn the head away.
The rubbing may be with one
finger, with a finger and thumb (for two eyes) or with both hands. The more the
coverage, the more the person is trying to hide behind the hands.
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